Mom # 3

I am going to start off by saying how wonderful he is. I have never met someone who I feel so intune with. He just gets me .....We have been together for two years, live together and are talking about getting married. There is just one thing that is the elephant in the room ... He has two children...

Now don't get me wrong I love kids and want to have my own children some day but the insta-family was an extreme adjustment. They are little girls and he is a wonderful father, and their mother is 110% in their lives. We all get along now after almost a year of high conflict but I am stuck in emotional torment. I have this fear that he will leave me and should leave me to go back to his children and to her.

My fear is irrational... his ex has moved on completly and he has moved on as well. She is now a lesbain and is openly living with her partner making me mom #3...

The situation leaves me with out a "roll". I am not step mom , I am not mom ; I guess I am the person who lives with dad...  I have severe anxiety over this not belonging.  I think that there is more pressure for me to co-parent successfully because 1: I do not have biological children and 2: I will never have the real title of step- mom. The girls see their moms relationship as that she is "Llama"
( this is their momma name for her). The girls call her this because she is their second mom or step mom.

Don't get me wrong their dad is the most amazing person and I love him deeply and more then anyone else I've ever dated. He keeps telling me that I have to make my roll but it is so hard to do. For some, it looks like they have such an easy time being that extra parent.

Time seems to be my worst enemy and best friend. My roll will take time to figure out and it is a type of growing pain that takes the longest to adjust too. Hopefully I am strong enough to make it through these adjustments. I am weary and feel very alone...